How do you Mom?

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I have tried to make plans on Mother’s Day twice, without realizing it was Mother’s Day.

I suppose it’s still a new concept to me and honestly, it’s not that big of a deal. I ask for one day (my birthday) and am OK with little to no acknowledgement the rest of the year.

Besides, it feels like Mother’s Day is like Shitty Christmas. It’s like getting things you don’t want or need when you’d rather have someone pay for a pedicure and a movie (which you go to by yourself) on some random day instead of flowers that die and a card that will eventually be thrown out.

I AM looking forward to bad art projects from my kid once he’s in school. But that’s about it.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I have no idea what’s going on when it comes to raising my kid. I take things day-to-day rather than looking at the long-term and am always caught off guard by people’s questions like what we’re going to do for pre-school.

I go back and forth between denial and obsessive mommy forum scouring on things from when you’re supposed to give your kid a pillow (seriously, WHEN???) to if I should have taken him to the dentist by now.

I’ve been nudging potty training more, but am not ready to go hardcore. My kid voluntarily crapped in his tiny potty and I nearly exploded from pride. But it was just that one time and now when you ask him if he’d like to go, he adamantly says “NO.”

We’re considering a road trip because I have some vacation time coming and he’s too big for the dumb pack n’ play, but not ready to just chill on a mattress or cot. Which gets me thinking about transitioning him to a toddler bed and if we should just buy a twin and be done with it for awhile, or get a tiny bed first.

NO CLUE.

I’m agonizing over dumb stuff like whether or not I should buy pants in a bigger size since this weather refuses to warm up enough for the twelve pair of shorts I bought in preparation for summer or just let him wear floods until June.

My philosophy for only getting him a haircut when he can’t see anymore doesn’t seem to fly with the people in my life who will comment “SOMEone needs a haircut!” every time they see him until I do it.

Is there a gentle, non-condescending manual for this kind of thing? I don’t want to do what everyone else is going while at the same time only want to be doing what everyone else is doing.

Honestly though, how are we supposed to know any of this? Is it intuition? Because in some ways, it feels like it and in other ways, I feel like I should be doing a lot more.

I think I’m just scared that no one is actually going to TELL me I need to be doing something and when and I don’t trust myself enough to believe I’m going to know what’s what.

And I’m the type of person that needs to be told.

Very gently.

As if it were my idea.

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