I’m sure this has already been brought up, but while avoiding most of the reactions to the Babe Aziz Ansari piece, I figured I’d weigh in anyway.
Putting aside trying to define what happened, the takeaway for me is why so many men are OK with having sex with someone who seems hesitant, bored, indifferent, uncomfortable, scared, displeased, or non responsive.
I know that all of the messages we receive when it comes to sex is that we should know what we’re doing and also, that somehow whatever works for one person must work with another. Oh, and that when there is chemistry, everything just naturally falls into place during this very intimate encounter.
I can’t stop thinking about the woman’s description of Ansari sticking his fingers down her throat.
Is that how we want these experiences to go?
Is it fun to have sex with someone who isn’t into it?
If you have to persuade or coerce or pretend not to see signals is that satisfying?
Well, if that’s what you want and it IS fun and satisfying, that’s what needs to stop. That’s what I’m left with in regards to this discussion.
Men, just because you don’t commit the most heinous act does not mean you can’t be held accountable for your behavior.
Please take a moment to decide right now that they only sex you want to have from here on out is done with mutual enthusiasm and a lot of totally normal communication. Realize that women have been trained, taught and brainwashed into not speaking up, to go along with things they don’t always want to, to pretend they’re into things.
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.
And most importantly:
LEARN TO READ THE FUCKING ROOM…AND THEN ACT ACCORDINGLY.